Patrice's Ponderings

Ottawa's Blue Nile Ethiopian Restaurant - Review

2010-03-16T19:00:00.008-04:00

One thing I am most grateful for is my parents’ insistence that I try “just one bite” of new foods. Encouraging that practice expanded my curiosity about new flavors. As an adult, the habit of curiosity helps me scoff at all kinds of fear and leap into new adventures. Over time I’ve been dubbed a foodie (kindly) or a food snob (perhaps not so kindly!) Title notwithstanding, I love exotic flavors, finding fabulous restaurants, and sharing great food with wonderful people.

In 1982 a friend introduced me to Ethiopian food at The Blue Nile (yes, same name) in Berkeley, California. It was a unique and addicting experience. The spices were new, the variety was lovely (being vegetarian at the time, I was craving variety—ok... I always crave variety!) In addition to the heavenly flavors, we got to eat with our hands!

My friend explained that Ethiopia is a large and extremely poor East African country. Beef is used as currency there, so is quite rare in everyday cooking. When meat is prepared it’s usually chicken or lamb, but in general, various beans, peas, vegetables and grains are the staples of Ethiopian diet.

Upon arrival in Ottawa, I discovered a website called “Ottawa Foodies.” One of my first goals was to find the city’s best Ethiopian joint. There are a few in town, but the Foodies’ top choice is The Blue Nile, located at 577 Gladstone (at Percy). I agree wholeheartedly, and find no reason to try any of their competitors.

Here is what you will experience if you decide to visit Ottawa’s Blue Nile Restaurant... The pace is slow. This is not a dash-in-and-out restaurant, so give yourself plenty of time. My top menu recommendation is the Vegetarian Combination ($10!). This gives you the chance to taste many flavors at once. Ranging from mild to hot, the Veggie Combo contains servings of cabbage, carrot and potato stew, yellow split peas, green beans, either collard greens or kale, spicy red lentils, cottage cheese, and a small green salad. Each has its own unique, delicious flavor. If you eat meat, there are a number of beef, lamb and chicken options as well. Our favorite is a medium-spicy saucy beef dish with the fun name of Zilzzl Tibbs ($10.99). If you’d like to go a bit spicier, Ye-Doro Wat ($10.99), the traditional wedding or celebration dish of chicken leg, boiled egg, onion, and pepper is served with home-made cottage cheese to cool the pepper bite.

Part of the joy of this food is the manner in which it is served and eaten. Injera, a thin, spongy, sourdough pancake made from the high-protein, gluten-free grain teff, is laid out on a metal tray (like a pizza pan.) A serving of each of your choices is then poured onto the injera, and it is set down into a colorful lidded basket called a mesob. An additional plate of folded or cut-and-rolled injera comes on the side. The food is shared, family-style: one central mesob per table. You eat by tearing off small pieces of injera and pinching/scooping up each bite. Beware: injera expands! You will be full.

I highly encourage you to experience the adventure of dinner at The Blue Nile. Dinner for two, without spirits—including tax and tip—costs under $30.00. Especially for starving-student-foodies, finding delicious, exotic, healthy food within our budgets is a gastronomical delight.

Priorities

2010-03-14T18:24:00.009-04:00

This week I’m expanding on my answers to a question asked on our Human Sexuality discussion board. And I’m curious whether you have considered your answers.

Q: What are your top relationship priorities?

My A's:
Honesty and Trust -- Being honest, both with myself and my partner, is crucial to the health of my relationship. Knowing that we are both committed to telling the truth builds trust and belief in our own and each other’s integrity. Trust creates safety and security, allowing us both to open up even more. It’s a lovely, expanding, self-perpetuating cycle.

Respect -- Respecting each other and ourselves keeps our attention on the positive, encourages kindness, and boosts our self-esteem and sense of value. Choosing to (1) be respectful and (2) not invest time and energy in disrespectful people are empowering practices. I have been in relationships with a lack of respect, and will write more about that in my next blog post.

Shared values, interests and sense of humor -- Sharing values gives us a common world view to live from. For example, if I see the world as benevolent, attempting to have a relationship with someone who believes the world is hostile is pretty difficult. Additionally, I learned the hard way that no matter how much I love someone, if we don't laugh at the same things, or have at least a few things in common that give us both a charge, the connection does not last, no matter how hard we try.

Communication -- To quote my partner: "Silence may be golden, but communication is priceless." If we're not sharing ourselves with each other, are we really in relationship? Believe me, it is possible to be extremely lonely within a marriage. I wouldn’t recommend it. There are quiet people and chatty people and everything in between. Sometimes opposites attract here and it works. More often, I think finding a bird from a similar flock will be a better fit and be more fulfilling for both partners.

Love, attraction and passion -- I believe love is a practice, a verb coming from a moment by moment decision. Attraction to and passion for my partner may start out as lust or chemistry, but as time goes on it requires effort to steer clear of the taking-for-granted or boredom ditches. That effort pays off not only in better sex, but in a happier, closer relationship all around.

Regarding physical/sexual compatibility... Finding someone who has a similar desire (or non-desire) for sex is a delightful thing! I know VERY happy couples who are rarely, or no longer sexual. That works when it is a mutual choice. Talking about where my partner and I stand on the scale from “sex is ho-hum, and great for making babies” to “sex is one of my favorite adult play activities” (and listening carefully to your partner’s answers) is wise, especially before committing to a lifetime together.

These priorities have definitely changed over my life. When I was in my 20's, life was much more about having fun, without as much depth or regard for the consequences of my choices. Now in my 50's, I'm much more conscious of my values, how powerful words and attitudes are, and how much the people in our lives affect us. As much as possible, I choose to surround myself with positive, empowering people who are learning and growing and who enjoy life.

How about you? What is most important
in your relationships?

Please Get Fido or Fluffy Fixed (Opinion)

2010-03-10T19:00:00.004-05:00

Is there anything cuter than puppies or kittens? Picture it: a blanket-lined wicker basket tucked into a warm corner, filled with a mewling, snuggling pile of fuzzy kitties. Alternately, imagine a fenced-in whelping pen with sweet, closed-eyed, whining pups nuzzling into their mother for warmth and milk. Precious, isn’t it? Perhaps not for long…

I can not count the times I have heard people say things like, “Oh, she’s such a beautiful dog. We are looking for a male to mate with her.” “We want our children to experience the miracle of birth at least one time.” “We already have people who will take all the puppies (kittens).” Or, “It’s more healthy for dogs to have at least one litter before they are spayed.” (The opposite is actually true.) Or, “I could never remove my male dog (or cat’s)… you know…,” usually accompanied by an anthropomorphizing* cringe, as if spaying or neutering a pet was something the animal would grieve.

The sad reality is there are nearly seven times more puppies and kittens born each year than humans. There are not enough homes for all of the pet animals that are born, and the overpopulation problem does not seem to be waning. Tracking the actual number of pets that are euthanized each year is extremely difficult. However, official statistics published over the past two years range between four and ten million cats and dogs euthanized annually in the United States alone. If we were to accept a relatively conservative estimate of six million, that translates to over 16,000 dogs, cats, puppies and kittens being “put to sleep,” “put down,” or—dropping the euphemisms—killed every single day.

“But those aren’t the puppies or kittens that my dog or cat had,” I have heard people say. Granted, that may be true. However, something that you may not have considered is that every puppy or kitten that you sell or give away means one less shelter animal that doesn’t get adopted, and probably one more euthanized animal.

Over the past ten years a new trend has emerged in the shelter business. In addition to the Humane Society and municipal Animal Control organizations, thousands of individuals, appalled over the millions of animals that are put to death each year, have established “no-kill” shelters. These grassroots rescue shelters are often—but not always—breed specific, and rely exclusively on volunteers and private donations. Most of these shelters are filled to overflowing, and constantly struggle to find foster families and funding to keep their facilities open.

The Humane Society operates low-cost sterilization clinics and, along with rescue organizations across the country, educates pet owners and encourages spaying and neutering. The sad enormity of the problem of pet overpopulation far outweighs the sweetness of a basket of kittens in your living room.

This article took approximately three minutes to read. During that time in the United States, 33 animals were killed. If you love pets, please, help stop the over-breeding and needless death by getting your animals spayed or neutered.

*anthropomorphize: to attribute human form or personality to things not human

PETA got a serious scolding for this ad, and it has been removed. I thought it was pretty funny!

Learning to Love

2010-03-08T17:42:00.006-05:00

We created an online magazine for webwriting class. There were eight students in our first group. We each edited our fellow students' work, as well as writing a Feature article. The Feature was 1200 - 1500 words, related to the topic on which we chose to blog. Mine, as you might guess, was Healthy Relationships. Here, then, is my feature article...

Tucked into a cubicle at the Police and Public Safety Institute, a tall, distinguished, soft-spoken gentleman sits at his computer, carefully perusing and commenting on the sex lives of 118 Algonquin College students. No, he is not monitoring your private emails or peering at hidden video cameras. Rather, he is the designer and professor of the College's most popular General Education Elective Online Course: Understanding Human Sexuality. Lindsay Harris not only teaches an unprecedented life-enhancing class, but he has a unique electronic window into the many changing trends of Ottawa’s intimate relationships.

Learning the facts about—and getting comfortable with—intimacy and sexuality can make an immense difference in your life. Lindsay Harris (who prefers to be called by his first name) makes that available to you and the 16,000 other full-time students on Woodroffe campus. Topics in his course span from understanding anatomy and behavior to the history and current state of intimate relationships and sexual practices throughout the world. His text book explores, among other things, facts on various forms of birth control and pregnancy issues, gender roles, risks of sexually transmitted diseases and sexual dysfunction. In addition, he presents 14 weeks of discussion topics and journals which help students more deeply understand their own beliefs and perspectives. Because he has been in the counseling field for 25 years, and has now lead this course since Fall of 2003, Lindsay has, well… perhaps not “seen it all,” but has certainly seen some changes.

Teaching Police Foundations to a population of mostly new high school graduates in the early 2000’s, Lindsay discovered, to his surprise, how misinformed and profoundly uninformed some of his students were about sexuality and relationships. Disturbed by this lack of basic knowledge, he began designing his course. Coincidently, at that same time, the Government of Ontario mandated that the province’s colleges require General Education (Gen Ed) courses for all full-time students. Algonquin readily accepted Understanding Human Sexuality into the curriculum. The online format of the Gen Ed classes turned out to be the perfect format for Lindsay’s topic. As he says, looking back over the past six years, “[The students] couldn’t have been nearly as honest if we had been face to face.”

But honest they were, and, seemingly, still are. As fascinated as most college students are with sexuality, it does not come as a surprise that this elective fills quickly and has a waiting list every semester. The course outline and directions that he posts on Blackboard are extensive and no-nonsense, setting a professional tone and adult expectations. Meeting in person the first (and only) week of the semester allows Lindsay to meet and greet the new students. I know, for certain, I was not the only one to be startled to learn that “Lindsay” was male. Did he really expect us to send our sexual journals to a man? Within the first five minutes of listening to his calm clarity and lighthearted humor, my concern literally melted away. This man exudes safety. He clarifies that this class may be different than what we expected: it is not a “how to” class. Since the youngest students are probably 17-18, he assumes that it is somewhat unlikely that class participants are virgins. What the course is about, it turns out, is an intense learning and quiz-taking schedule, forum discussions of typically hush-hush topics, and serious self-exploration. Perhaps most importantly, behind it all sits a respectful, intelligent, real person reading our thoughts, and posting comments and marks for participation. There is a bonus, as well: on our Discussion Board, he has a section called “Ask Lindsay” where anyone may post an anonymous question or concern for support, education or feedback.

Lindsay requested and received a “Custom Edition for Algonquin College” printing of the textbook, Essentials of Human Sexuality (Rathus, et al, 2005). Originally printed in the U.S., this customized text will be replaced next Fall with an all new updated Canadian edition. Of course, a new text means a re-vamp of the curriculum, so Lindsay is anticipating a busy summer. For now though, students are expected to read and take a quiz on either one or two chapters of the text each week. He posts a new open discussion topic every Wednesday on issues such as circumcision, infertility and prostitution. And three times each semester students send in three or four page journals—answering thoughtfully prepared questions about all aspects of relationship and sexual choices, preferences and beliefs. It is a multi-layered learning experience that receives rave reviews each term. Consistently, Lindsay hears, “Every student at Algonquin should take this class!”

Learning about sexuality has come a long, long way. Let’s rewind just 20 years (approximately one generation). In August, 1990, The New York Times printed an opinion piece written by a woman who headed a family- and sexuality-education organization. She quoted statistics from two national reports, pointing to the facts that high school sex education was sorely lacking (students were receiving an average of 6.5 hours per year—“too little, too late” according to thousands of teachers), and teen pregnancy was on the rise. While high school sex-ed funding and teacher expertise may still be lacking, the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality (CJHS) reported in 2008 that this generation’s sex-education level is higher than any prior. The report also states that teen pregnancy rates are down across Canada (although there are alarming rates in lower-income populations). Sexually Transmitted Illnesses (STI’s) continue to rise. “What the research evidence suggests is that although there remains room for improvement, the picture of the sexual health and well-being of today’s Canadian teens is, in many ways, more positive than in previous generations.” (CJHS) The children of Lindsay Harris’ students are guaranteed to add to the health of the coming generation.

Looking back through Lindsay’s eyes at what has happened over these past 25 years, we can see astounding changes when it comes to how people create and maintain their intimate relationships. With the caveat that generalizing always excludes individuals, Lindsay outlines a picture of continually opening options, and changing stress patterns. Many of the stigmas that historically have been huge issues, are falling by the wayside. “More and more now, people are engaging in serial monogamy,” he explains. Because of the difficulty of accurately mapping the numbers without traditional legal documentation (marriage and divorce), it is nearly impossible to know how many common law relationships there are. That being said, the officially recorded numbers have more than tripled in the past 20 years. Additionally, he states, “Adolescence has extended easily into the mid-20’s. Over 50% of children are still living at home (many of them paying off student loans) by the time they reach 25.” Beginning relationships later in life, often without official sanctions, choosing to have their own children later in life are all extremely new trends in relationship with unique benefits and stresses.

Another major difference Lindsay points out is that, “People are much more comfortable with diversity in relationships. We have become a heterogeneous culture.” More often than not, we take it in stride when learning about couples of the same sex, mixed race or ethnicity, or of disparate ages. With the advent of instant- and video-communication on the internet, meeting and creating close relationships with people in different cultures, and maintaining those relationships over long periods of time is not only possible, but is happening every day.

All of these new trends and our new world-wide mobility have opened the doors of possibility to ever more honesty and fulfillment in our intimate relationships. With the encouraging sound of Lindsay Harris tapping away at his keyboard in P Building—sharing his knowledge and highlighting our unique value—we are all given the opportunity to learn to become the lovers of our dreams.

A Gem from a Master

2010-03-08T17:31:00.000-05:00

This was a blog post for our webwriting class - Feb 27, 2010

In 1987, my friend and teacher Jordan Roberts hadn’t yet contracted HIV and died of AIDS. He was, rather, a strong and healthy 40 year old psychologist. Working from his beautiful craftsman-style home on Seattle’s Capital Hill, Jordan held classes and group therapy, and met with clients, both individually and in couples. He was an extremely private man, even though hundreds of people came into his home every month. He was also one of the wisest men I have ever known.

I met Jordan via a small free newspaper, bundles of which were dumped into the doorways of health food stores and coffee shops around the city. The Experimental College advertised short, low-cost adult classes which ran the gamut from pottery and dance classes to self-esteem building. Earning a psychology degree did not put an end to my shyness and struggle with feeling not good enough. I knew I had low self-esteem. It was time to do something about it.

Confession time: it took three times of attending Jordan’s self-esteem class before the dramatic shifts really happened. Consequently, my life and relationships changed profoundly.

I would like to share with you the shining jewel that changed forever the way I conducted myself in relationships; the most empowering tool that Jordan shared with tens of thousands of students. It is called The Drama Triangle. Designed by Stephen Karpman, a teacher of Transactional Analysis and respected psychologist, many therapists today still use his diagram to help clients create healthier relationships.

Karpman Drama Triangle Imagine a triangular-shaped board game with three positions, one at each corner. We, as players have unwittingly begun to play this game, attempting to get our emotional needs met. We are usually not aware of how caught up we get, nor that there is a much healthier way to live. The object of the game is to Get Off The Board. The first step is to become aware that we are playing. The second is to learn a different, more healthy way to interact which can authentically fulfill our emotional needs. When caught in the game, people generally play a “favorite” position, but jump to the other two corners, as well. It’s nearly impossible to STOP playing until you recognize you’re on the board, but once you do, jumping off can stop a cycle of shame and disempowerment you may have been unconsciously living for years.

Position A is by far the most influential and destructive to healthy relating:

THE VICTIM – “Poor me” “It’s not my fault” “Life happens TO me” “I’m incapable”

While the Victim may look like the least powerful person, the truth is, Victims run the game. If you find yourself in this position or someone in your life is playing it, the key to getting off the board is for the Victim to (1) realize there are always options, and (2) move into problem solving.

Position B looks good, but actually is a big part of the powerlessness game:

THE RESCUER – “Let me help you” “It’s for your own good” “Enabler” “Smotherer”

Whether you want it or not, this person will be your caretaker. The Rescuer is the classic helpful “co-dependent.” (This was my favorite role, and I still fight to stay off the board!) If this is you or someone you know, the key for the Rescuer is to learn to encourage and empower others.

Position C is the angry-at-the-world role:

THE PERSECUTOR – “It’s all your fault” “Criticizer” “Always Right” “Win-Lose”

Desperately needing to be right, this person pushes, executing sophisticated power-ploys that keep everyone off-balance and one-down. As with all of the positions, it is a controlling role, stemming from a wounded self-image. If you find yourself or see someone playing this position, the key to stopping is admitting you’re playing the blame-and-attack-role and learning to set clear boundaries with people (“This behavior works for me, that behavior doesn’t”).

Jumping out of this far-too-common game is not easy if it has become habit. The drama can become so familiar (every soap opera banks on it) that there doesn’t appear to be any alternative. The truth is, the fulfillment that comes from taking full responsibility for the health of your relationships is worth every step it takes to stop the game and learn new, empowering ways of communicating.

Once again, this reminder: We Can Only Change Ourselves. If you see this game happening in one of your relationships, consider that you may be unwittingly participating. When you are NOT in the midst of a drama, you may choose to share this information with your person… not to change them, but to ask for their support in changing your pattern. Be patient with yourself. Expect some resistance. Change is rarely easy.

Honesty & Trust

2010-03-08T17:28:00.000-05:00

Webwriting blog post - Feb. 13, 2010

Ask nearly anyone to give you a list of attributes of healthy relationships and these two words are bound to be near the top. I’ve decided to take a little closer look at them.

Some questions that we may each want to consider …

* Is honesty black and white?
* Is it always the best policy?
* What about “little white lies”?
* Is there anything that justifies lying?
* Where do we draw the line?
* If we lie, how do we trust that others are telling the truth?
* Are there drawbacks to being honest or trusting?
* Since each of us will feel the pain of betrayal at some point in our lives, how do we heal and move forward when it happens?
* And, oh, what about diplomacy, discretion, politeness and tact?

The Honesty Scale, if you will, extends from “The Chronic Liar” (CL) to “Open Mouth Insert Foot” (OMIF). (I tend to fall into the arguably less-than-healthy OMIF category.) Along this scale are degrees of honesty where each of us tend to hover. When it comes to close relationships (defined subjectively as connections with the people we choose to allow beneath our “surface”) honesty and trust become much more crucial—and complicated.

*An aside: I’m going to limit my comments to adult-adult relationships (partially because I have no children, but also because I don’t want to open the Santa-Claus/Easter Bunny can-of-worms.) Between adult participants, acting in an honest and trustworthy manner--and our willingness to trust--are choices.

Most of us hate being lied to, right? Within close relationships though, situations will arise where we are tempted to lie to people we care about. The usual excuse is “to protect [our person’s] feelings.” I argue that--more often than not--the actual reason for these lies is because sometimes telling the truth is uncomfortable. It makes us face--and perhaps feel guilty or ashamed of--our human shortcomings. Rather than admit our mistakes and expose our vulnerable emotional underbellies, we “sugar-coat the truth,” tell a “white lie,” or exaggerate. After all, we rationalize, “What they don’t know can’t hurt them.” I don’t know that there is an adult on the planet who hasn’t done this at some point. Here is something I have learned: In our close relationships, telling the truth with sensitivity, especially when it is difficult to do so, can be key to deepening intimacy.

Healing from the betrayal of being lied to is something all of us will face at some point, and each will do in his or her own way. Feeling the emotions of anger, fear, and resentment are natural and understandable, and for some, can be crippling. As one of my favorite teachers says, “We will all go through the Valley along the way. The thing to remember is: Don’t set up camp there.” It has taken me a long time to realize that we are all fallible and sometimes make hurtful mistakes. Forgiveness is something I practice for my own peace of mind. My version of forgiveness is not a condoning of behavior, but a process of clearly setting boundaries, then releasing and moving forward. Is it easy to trust again when we have been hurt? No. Is it worth it? Absolutely.

My first sad fiction

2010-02-06T14:40:00.000-05:00

Our fiction prof, Ian Roy, asked us to choose a profession yesterday... write from any perspective about it. I chose this one because it would never in a million years be my real life.....

Lauralee's Lines

Seven thirty a.m. the phone rings. Dragging herself out of her empty bed early--the second time this week--Lauralee stumbles to her Gucci purse, fumbling through the debris to catch the call before they give up. It’s Elite, as she had hoped, with another job today at nine. Thank God. Stretching her lower back, she glances at the mess in her room, considers doing just one line to get the morning jump started and then catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Oh boy, not today. As it is, it’s going to take some doing to be ready for the cameras.

Juggling a bite of apple and a jumbo cup of coffee, she wipes steam from the bathroom mirror and studies her reflection. Her famously familiar long, lean arms, perfectly tanned skin, small empty breasts, and grey-green eyes look back. Scrutinizing the web of fine lines at the corners of her mouth and eyes, Lauralee slathers on a thick layer of moisturizer and pulls her hair into a thick band. It won’t be long before the make-up artists will consult more with the photographers about shadows and airbrush. It won’t be long before the latest batch of girls will be getting the morning calls.

Pulling on tights and a baggy t-shirt; scooping up dresses for the shoot; tossing shoes, bangles, scarves, and a handful of jewelry into a Lauren bag; she swills her coffee and changes her mind. Just one line. It will make those famous eyes sparkle in the shots. No one will notice the wrinkles there. No one will see the despair.

What Makes Us Who We Are, Anyway?

2010-02-06T14:29:00.000-05:00

Psychologists and sociologists have been studying that question for generations. Many scientists have their pet theory about degrees of nature vs. nurture, where, how, and by whom we were raised, which all makes for interesting reading and speculation. Thus far, however, none have discovered a recipe—or even a universally agreed upon definition—for what makes a person emotionally healthy, and how that translates into healthy relating skills.

Professionals in the world of the mind agree that human behavior goes well beyond following only our “animal nature.” But what aspects of our world have the largest effects on who we become? Read on to see a few of the theories…

Parent/child bond or Attachment Theory – John Bowlby, Mary Main, and many others believe that success in life (as based on a number of various criteria) relies heavily on the quality of parenting we receive, especially between the ages of six months and two years. Attachment Theorists put great emphasis on the security of the parent/child bond, providing a secure base from which the child can explore the world. Much of this research also looks at the difference between male and female caregiver behaviors. Interestingly, they draw conclusions about the need for “Man and Woman Power devoted to the production of happy, healthy, and self-reliant children.”

You may have heard of Harry F. Harlow’s experiments in the late 1950’s to early 60’s conducted on rhesus monkeys. Infant monkeys were separated from their mothers and then given the choice of either a wire “mother” or a terrycloth-covered “mother.” Without fail, the babies chose the terrycloth mother—whether she contained a nursing bottle or not—and returned to her under stressful situations. (These experiments, by the way, were some of the first to inspire the animal rights movement.) Clearly, “warm and fuzzy” even if just in the physical sense, helps babies develop into healthier adults, and not receiving that emotional security (“nurture”) during the crucial childhood phase, made it nearly impossible for babies to compensate for the early psychological wounding.

Birth Order Theory. Beginning with Alfred Alder in 1918, this theory stresses the importance of when you were born into your family of siblings. The belief was that birth order has a strong determining effect on how you relate to others throughout your life. In general, the categories are that eldest children are steady and overachievers, middle children are neglected or overlooked, the babies are spoiled and bossy, and only-children are the center of attention and feel pressured. The theory seems to have evolved to the point of disproving Alder’s original stereotypes and now places more emphasis on people’s self-perception of their position in the birth order.

Bullying. Over the past few years, many studies have been conducted on bullying—both in schools and in the workplace—and its effect on healthy development. Bullies and their victims can both be harmed by the behavior. Perhaps the precursor to the horrifying prevalence of abusive relationships and our society’s need for women’s shelters begins in the schoolyard.

Astrology. Astrologers believe that the placement of the sun, moon, and planets in relation to the location and moment of your birth determines your basic personality and how you relate to others. While many people scoff at this study of humanity, over the years I have found far too many uncanny “coincidences” to discount this theory completely. We are, after all, composed of up to 60% water—our brains are 70% water—and we all know that the moon’s cycles determine the tides. Perhaps the pulls that the planets and stars have on each other, keeping their orbits and rhythms relatively constant also have effects on us as individuals.

There are hundreds of other theories, from religion to hard science that seek to explain human behavior. Personally, with the complexity and unique qualities of the human mind, I do not believe a single answer will ever be found.

From my perspective, as a spoiled Sagittarian, somewhat bullied, baby of an over-protective, very secure family, I find myself overly-sensitive to violence, believe that most people are truly doing their best, and see the world most days through my chosen rose-colored glasses. How about you? Can you see how any of these theories helped shape who you are?

Healthy Relationships

2010-01-30T18:32:00.000-05:00

It has been many months since I have posted. Four of those months have been filled with the beginning of Ottawa's Algonquin College's two year Professional Writing program. I am now three weeks into the second semester. We have a course this semester in web writing, in which we each have picked a topic to blog on. It is a closed blog (our course and professors only), however, I am going to post my entries here also for my few readers to see. I may also post some of the fictional short stories I wrote (or will write) as well. I hope you enjoy, and would love to read your comments either here or in email.

Here then, is my first post on Healthy Relationships...

Are you in a relationship? When we hear this question, most of us assume (probably rightly) that it refers to whether or not we are in an intimate partnership. In Western culture, it seems, marriage or lifelong partnership is the ideal core relationship to which most adults aspire. I will be writing about intimate relationships throughout this blog, however to start, I would like to suggest that all of life takes place in relationship. We are interacting with people (and animals)--individually and in groups--nearly every day.

“Wherever You Go, There You Are” We have probably all heard this quote, which has been attributed to a variety of authors, from Thomas Kempis ca. AD 1400 to Buckaroo Banzai. The premise, of course, is that we bring ourselves into every relationship. Parents will tell you that every child is different, seemingly coming into the world with their own personality partially formed. On top of that, every relationship, especially in our formative childhood years helps to teach us a myriad of ways to be in the world.

We learn our own unique communication styles; how to handle and respond to our emotions and stressful situations; our sense of humor; what issues are appropriate to discuss, and with whom; whether to be a risk-taker, vulnerable, courageous, and what level to allow intimacy, and so much more. Additionally, we all get wounded, carry varying degrees of “baggage” or “issues” from those wounds, and run the gamut from denial to healing those pains from past relationships.

All of these lessons and more help form our perception of the world and how we fit within it. We each enter every relationship with the underlying belief that the world is generally benevolent/friendly or a dangerous place. Is your glass half-full or half-empty?

Your perceptions have profound effects on every friendship and intimate relationship you create, as well as how you behave in “unequal power” relationships, such as parent/child, teacher/student and boss/employee.

One of the first steps to consciously creating healthy relationships begins with self knowledge. One way of becoming more self-aware is by journaling about your values/the things that are most important to you, as well as situations that “trigger” you, or make you feel defensive. Understanding these issues help you make more clear choices about who you choose to allow into your life. Discovering these insights can also set you on your way to healing fears or patterns of reacting that keep you from experiencing freedom and joy in life.

A huge key to remember: The only person we can change is ourselves. If we all take 100% responsibility for the quality of our relationships, we can choose in each instance to improve, deepen, maintain, back away from, or release relationships appropriately.

Relationships will wax and wane. A very few will last a lifetime. Most will not. If we choose, we can glean gifts and life lessons from every relationship that nourish and propel us forward, so that each subsequent interaction benefits from the ones before.

A Merkin in Canada

2009-05-01T14:30:00.000-04:00

Things I miss the most:

My fabulous friends
The ability to drive 1 - 4 hours to hug my family
Nalleys garlic dill pickles and chili
Snow's Clam Chowder
Essential Baking Company's Parisian baguette
Authentic Mexican food
Pagliacci Pizza
Hefeweizen
Olympus Spas
The Cascade and Olympic mountain ranges
Getting to visit my kitters

Differences here that make me smile:

Living with my fabulous partner
Safe, flat streets and trails to walk and skate on right outside my door
Lots of pre-prepared foods in every grocery -- ex: perfectly spiced Cajun catfish filets
Every neighbor saying Hello
Far more dryer, sunnier days
The River and Canal just blocks away
Living in a very metropolitan capital city
Only having filled the car's tank twice in almost two months
Hearing French
Laughing everyday
Discovering new places all the time
Living on the ground floor
Watching people walk by with their dogs

and all of the things that I've noticed and forgotten....

Memories of Grace

2009-04-28T13:47:00.000-04:00

A few years back I volunteered for a year as a respite person for Hospice, and was given the most beautiful patient. Often volunteers are only able to know a patient for one or two visits, but "my" elderly gentleman, Mr P, was a twice-a-week blessing for over four months! We became dear friends, and I was blessed by the most graceful person I have met to date. He had lived full-time in bed for the three years prior to my meeting him. His body was curled and in constant pain from rheumatoid arthritis. He could not hold a pen or a spoon. He was on very strong pain medication through a drip line and patches. All of his bodily needs were taken care of by his wife and the hospice caretakers. One would understand if this man was bitter, frustrated and suffered bouts of self-pity. And I never heard him utter a negative word. He lived in a world that was so filled with God. He adored his wife, children and grandchildren. He was so grateful to God for all he had experienced in his life, for his work, his years as a Scout Leader, for the sunshine through his window, for each person who came to his home. Each time I would visit his first words were, "How are you feeling? How is your husband?" I spent time alone with his wife and inquired, "Is he always this kind and positive? Her eyes gleamed with her love for him, "Yes," she told me, "and he has always been this way. God Shines from him, doesn't He?"

Mr P decided he was going to walk before he died. Since it was so easy to tear his fragile skin just by shifting him a few times a day, and his pressure sores were constantly in a state of healing, the RN, counselor, home health care workers and ministers (yes, BOTH ministers adopted him!) and I that made up his team all wondered how that could happen and prayed it could be so. The day before he let go he rallied from his almost full-time sleep of the prior week (as often happens at the end) and asked his wife and the nurse to sit him up on the edge of his bed. It took a long time, but they very carefully and gently did so and he touched his feet to the floor for the first time in years. Tears were pouring down all three of their faces with the effort, the pain and his amazing determination. He was beaming with joy. It was his final walk. He stepped out of his body and into what he KNEW were Jesus' loving arms as he slept that night. There is absolutely no question in my mind he was greeted by his loved ones saying Hello, and that his laughter that was so contagious in life continues to bubble and expand in many peoples' memories and wherever his spirit now resides.

May I have even half of the grace that you showed me was possible, Mr P. Fly free dear friend.

It's in our Nature

2009-04-20T14:36:00.000-04:00

So here we are in beautiful, gentle Ontario Canada. Having grown up in the U.S., with friends and family who hunt and target shoot, having guns around seems the norm. Although I admit, I prefer the underlying softness of the culture here, and am much more comfortable knowing that there are far fewer weapons being carried by the general public. American news reports are filled with such violence that a number of years ago I made the decision to stop watching and reading it, not feeling the need to have yesterday's shootings broadcast into my brain in lurid detail. It's odd then, that yesterday at the park where we walk our golden retriever Porter, we ran into a pack of some of the world's most aggressive dog breeds. This young man (luckily, a very strong Alpha type) had two Argentinian Mastiffs (huge short haired white dogs, one with his ears cropped), two cane corsos, also known as the Italian Mastiff, a German Shepherd and an American pit bull terrier. I had read when moving here that pit bulls weren't allowed in Ontario, however it seems there is a grandfather clause. We approached the pack as we do all, asking whether the dogs were friendly. Yes, as long as Porter wasn't aggressive. They circled around, all seemingly fine, sniffing and getting to know each other as dogs do. We spoke with the owners for a little bit, learning about these powerful dogs, keeping a close eye on them all. Next thing you know, the pit bull -- smallest of the pack -- started a fight with Porter and the owner jumped in, grabbed his dog by the neck and lifted him off the ground, hanging his dog, its back to his chest. Terrifying. Porter was fine, as it was quick and mostly noise, typical of a "I'm higher in the pecking order than you" dog tussle. The difference was, this was with a very scary looking pit bull. Once the pit calmed down (how could he not, hanging from his neck like that?) the owner put him in a "sit" and leaned over him, intimidating, keeping him there. Porter came immediately to me, then danced around, sniffed somemore, went over to the young man almost as if to thank him, giving deference to the Alpha, and we went on our way. It made me wonder... why would this young man choose these breeds of dogs? And thank God he did, but, knowing how often people get bit in dog fights, why would he step right into that one and haul his dog off? Is risking getting bit the only way he could stop his dog from hurting or killing another? What is it that attracted this person to owning and being able to control these large, muscular, loyally protective beasts? Especially here. In gentle non-aggressive Canada....

Win Win?

2009-04-10T08:59:00.000-04:00

How spoiled I've been, working with kind win-win Realtors, clients and vendors. And how sharp is the juxtaposition of their opposition. When I was changing careers from massage therapy to real estate, a number of my fabulous clients and friends -- those who knew me well, or who had had a less-than-gentle experience -- warned me. "It's a cutthroat business. Your sensitive heart will get broken." And oh how I have learned. Six years of learning. The real estate business is many things. Difficult, expensive, exciting, occasionally completely fulfilling, frustrating and intense.

I was absolutely blessed to have found, immediately after obtaining my license, THE most incredible company to work for. Keller Williams is known in the industry as various woo-woo titles... a pyramid scheme (because of its brilliant profit sharing plan), a cult (because the values are truly spiritual, garnering fierce loyalty), and it was absolutely the right fit for me. Working in an environment of kind people committed to learning and service, I was surrounded by a culture that nurtured each member and was dedicated to teaching every newbie to succeed. Along the way I saw its dark side as well... as in every business there are sometimes personalities that climb their way to the top with ugly power ploys. As is my wont, I did my best to avoid the political gossip.

Not long after joining KW, I was introduced to a fantastic coaching group: Buffini and Company. Brian Buffini is a second generation Irish gent, self-made multi-millionaire who teaches with delightful wit and warmth. His message is simple and also completely resonated with my values: serve the people you know and care about. Stay in contact, add value to their lives, and ask them for referrals. Then treat them like family and totally exceed their expectations. So that is what I did.

"Thick skin is required" really ought to be a loud part of the pre-licensing program. Granted, the friends and family who hired me (and the friends-of-friends-and-family) were all exactly the kind of people I wanted to work with: smart, reasonable, and also dedicated to win-win. The heartbreaks came regularly though.... People whom I love and know I would serve well chose -- for many different reasons -- to buy and sell with others. People who had told me they would work with me should they ever decide to purchase a home, I heard had not. Ow and ow and ow again.

Then there were my fellow Realtors outside my home office... those working with the clients on "the other side" of the deals. I was actually most nervous about them, and discovered my fears were usually unfounded. Yes, they were representing the "other" party, however, with only a few exceptions, they were also dedicated to a positive and successful experience. The notable exceptions left a nasty taste in my and my clients' mouths and I thank God I am not living out their karma. How some people's children sleep at night is beyond me.

Probably the most difficult lesson I've learned in this business is this:

No matter where the real estate "cycle" is, some people are going to Win, and some are going to Lose.

In a Buyer's market like we're in today, there are tons of homes to choose from, values are plummeting, and Sellers watch their "on paper equity" diminish every day. When that Seller is your friend and you are trying to help them sell their home, being the bearer of market statistics is No Fun. Even worse is bringing them low-ball offers on their already lowered priced property. Buyers win big time buying at or near the bottom of the market.

When in a Seller's market, the pendulum swings. Lowered inventory soars prices, homes bring in over-asking-price and multiple competing offers. Those lucky enough to be in the Seller's seat win. Buyers shop and offer, shop and offer and often spend months "losing" homes to other more qualified or wealthy folks. The search becomes desperate and their eventual purchase at the top of the market may cost them thousands of dollars to sell a few years later.

Representing good people in a win-lose business in a win-win manner is a giant challenge, and for my thin-skinned nature perhaps too much. As my fantastic mentors and brokers would say when hearing yet another "No"....... "Next!"

Life Moves

2009-02-14T02:10:00.000-05:00

This winter a dear friend celebrated her umpteenth annual ski trip with friends and family who have lived within a 10 mile radius of her for most of her 40 year life. I went through stability envy.

My life has been mobile without the excuse of a military family. Infancy through grade school I lived in one house -- except for the first month of my life, which I mostly slept through. I attended junior high and high school from two homes, and then the bouncing began. Years later, when mom crossed out yet another page of my addresses in her gold book, she assembled an address journal for me which I treasure and continue to keep current. Last week I counted... 38 addresses. Thirty eight homes I have lived in over my 50 years. 504 West Mead for most of the first 12 years. Big Valley Rd, my first home purchase, for nearly nine. Four or five house-sits. Six homes in the four years after college in the San Francisco Bay Area. Dots all over the greater Seattle area map since my return. Thousands of memories from different perspectives. Roommates, living alone, with family, lovers, a husband, cats, dogs, birds, a salamander, a child. Life has been rich and full and often changing. So many moves. Packing, unpacking, arranging, organizing, new adventures to look forward to, new people to meet. And goodbyes as well. Most times the leaving has been been gentle, a few times dramatic. With the exception of my adolescent move, all have been welcome.

In less than two weeks I will be embarking on the biggest move of my life. Not only to the opposite coast, but also across an international border, in with the love of my life, to a place I cannot legally work. The culture, the weather, all brand new. It feels completely right to be paring down belongings, following my heart, driving almost 3000 miles across the country in winter with my partner into a new world, considering and creating the next chapter. Just as when I was California bound, I know Seattle holds a magnet we will return to. So again, and already I see yet another transition in the future.

Some it seems, are meant to stay put. My skiing girlfriend has grand adventures from one solid base. Old friends who married their high school sweethearts remain in our hometown, celebrate their 30 year anniversary and the births of their grandbabies. While I love my somewhat nomadic life and who I've become along the way, there are moments when I wish for a more anchored existence. We shall see what the next episode brings .....

Tomorrow and Here

2008-12-21T13:32:00.000-05:00

Time and Space, I've heard said, are not real. Having found my brain- heart- and soul-mate (oof, that sounds SO woo-woo!) in a virtual blues club on Second Life, I can tell you that they are. It's a long way from Washington state to Ontario.

Second Life's Juke Joint Blues was our meeting place. In case you haven't explored it or heard of it in the media, SL is an online 3-D, user-created international world, a real-time constantly growing chat room populated by upwards of 70,000 people's cartoon avatars ("residents") at any one time. (As an aside, and to see a piece of SL without joining, one of my favorite Youtube vids shows the making of Starry Night in-world, and can be seen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxVDVggLqsA )

While I've never built anything, nor spent a US$ in Second Life, over the past two years I've spent hours exploring, dancing, flying, teleporting and most of all, talking with people from all over the world. It can be an addictive place, SL--which it was. And it can grow tiring--which it has. There are folks of every sort in there... as far as your imagination can take you, that's where you can go. That's the good and the bad part. I met people with the kindest hearts. And people with a cruel streak. Brilliant minds. And so many lonely souls looking for connection, whether it be friendship, love, a virtual roll in the hay or exploring a lifestyle never dreamed of in real life. People "fall in love" daily in SL, get their real hearts broken, and some thrive on the drama of getting to be the star of their own soap opera. People meet in real life and get married, become friends or stalk each other.... And everything in between! It's an amazing world.....
One of my friends, Phydeau just left SL for good, and on his Profile, listed the things he learned in SL...
1. Many people in SL have troubled RL marriages.
2. A man who's polite, friendly, articulate, with a sense of humor, who doesn't pester women for cybersex, is a God among mortals in SL.
3. People with more realistic looking avs are generally more fun and interesting to talk to than people with Barbie'n'Ken avs.
4. There is no capability to verify honesty, fidelity, or loyalty in SL.
5. SL is real enough to create a desire for a relationship but not real enough to satisfy that desire.
6. SL is not a cross section of humanity, it's a subset of humanity that can sit at their PCs for hours typing and laughing.
7. You Never Know.
[Thank you Phydeau, for being my friend! Well said.....]

The one thing I do know, is after hours and hours of talking with my friend Kam in SL over the months, our friendship grew and real feelings expanded. It's been nearly a year of left and right coast trips every 6 to 8 weeks. Our love has grown and continues to amaze us. And tomorrow we get to be together again, this time for Christmas. We continue to work on just where we will be when we finally live together in real life... Soon! So believe me when I tell you that time and space exist. Perhaps not online... but most definitely here in this extremely real world.

A half of a century today -- thoughts on life

2008-12-17T21:55:00.000-05:00

For years I thought to myself, Fifty is the half-way point. Past fifty I begin the downhill run. And then I met Pierre. He has a running joke (?) that he will live to 150. So perhaps today I am only 1/3 of the way through this life. Wiki says that the world's average life expectancy is 66.12 yrs--obviously varying greatly by where we live on the planet. The US is up there when it comes to lifespan... the CIA's estimate for 2008 is between 77.5 and 80 years. Canada is 80+. Makes me wonder whether socialized medicine has anything to do with that? The inability to "jump the queue" if you have the means to buy medical care, the evened-out playing field for the wealthy and the poor when illness strikes. Or perhaps it's the generally more gentle nature of our Canadian friends, the perceived lack of need for weapons to protect their families from the constantly televised violence in the US. Whatever the reasons, our northern neighbors get a few extra years on average. Then there are the extremes who live at the far ends of the bell curve... the young people who take their lives or die from diseases, in wars, or in accidents that break our hearts, the elders who outlive all of their peers. I am blessed with still having my 94 yr old Grampsy here. A powerful patriarch stubbornly holding onto his car keys. Resisting our family's loving urging to consider assisted living. He beats the odds daily, unfiltered Camels notwithstanding. And perhaps giving his family hope that we carry his long-lived genes as well as his stubborn streak.
This was the first year of my life I have spent my birthday celebrating with my loved ones completely remotely. Phone calls, emails, Facebook, skype... I thank God for the technology that connects us and the people who love me and give the precious gift of their time. And once again I give thanks for the soft golden fur and the warm deep brown eyes of Porter without whom this day would certainly have been far more solitary.
The coming year looks to hold many changes-- for our world and for my personal journey --which I welcome with great anticipation. The myriad of unknowns is vast, the list of details is sometimes daunting, and yet my hope and belief in a better future prevails. As one of my favorite teachers, Mary Morrissey has been known to say, "Go to the edge of the light you see and take the next step." Lord/Life/Universe... may my next 50 years hold even half as many blessings as the last, may I step forward fearlessly in faith and gratitude, and may I learn how to love more completely every day. And So It Is.....

And on the Other Hand

2008-11-29T10:01:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving week was a huge one here in my world. TONS of the kindest most loving gestures and gifts beyond price. Doors opened to new possibilities, new avenues to be explored, researched. Dreams to be clarified and embarked upon. Delicious food shared with family and friends. Life is so incredibly rich. Yes, there are still days when I envy this beautiful gold dog beside me his simple life. Yet here I am in human form... blessed with people I love who love me. Challenged, growing, becoming... What IS most important? Who do we want to be? And again the Buddha's answer comes to mind... Awake... awake.

Musing on Black Friday

2008-11-29T00:44:00.000-05:00

Shopping..... buying stuff is SO not my thing. It seems that's another of my Downright UnAmerican traits.

There were thousands of people lined up last night to get to the cheap Christmas goodies this morning. I'm sure nearly everyone has seen, heard and/or read about the death(s?) that resulted from today, and I'm certain hundreds of people have blogged about it. My mind wonders at what we value. Granted, in this fear-based economy I too am tightening my belt and when I DO shop--anytime--I rarely pay full retail price. It's fun to get a bargain, isn't it? That is, I suppose, why Black Friday is so popular. I guess the mob mentality was bound to happen. Nothing like the "fear of loss" to inspire a sale. 'Oh my goodness... Hurry! The crap that will be in the landfills in 6 months may all be GONE!' It's a strange world we live in.....

Speaking of curious values.... I remember the first time I saw the t-shirt "The Man Who Dies With The Most Toys Wins"-- back in 1984 in the SF Bay Area-- worn by a landlord of mine who spent a good bit of time in prison for his greed. Selling kilos of cocaine. Manufacturing and distributing meth--a warehouse packed with a quoted worth of $10M in poisonous powder. How is it people can think that buying toys (restored airplanes and antique motorcycles in his case) with money that ruins lives is OK? I wonder whether he is free now and whether he learned how to get away with more crime or whether he was reformed in those "reformatories". Some days it's hard to be hopeful for fellows like that. And yet, hope prevails.... and the balancing act of life moves forward... teetering... Is there a solution to the hurting and hurtful acts in this life? Can we help the people who have chosen greed and taking embrace a life of loving kindness? Free will of course prevails and all I can think to do is pray.

Disappointments, expectation, gratitude and grace

2008-11-21T16:42:00.000-05:00

What a time.... My spiritual practice says, "Speak your good, accept god/goddess' gifts of love and abundance, live as if you already have it, life gives you about what you expect from it so expect the best, be grateful for all of the good around you, keep your heart open, live in service and you will be blessed." Approximately that, anyway. So, how to explain the disappointments of 6 months of no buyers (ok, granted, 3 buyers who all bailed...) for the two homes I deeply want sold--price drops and all? The no West Coast job yet for the man I adore and long to see and hold and love more than once every 6 weeks? The tenants who skip owing two months of rent, leaving 1/2 of our duplex looking and smelling like a garbage dump? Some days I feel like a 2 yr old child, stomping my foot, pissed at the world for all of this struggle. "I WANT, I WANT." Some days the grief of it all takes over and I sit in a puddle of tears. I DO want... and when I speak and ask and put it out there that I accept and once again "it" doesn't come into my life my heart breaks a little more yet again. The Buddha taught that Life is suffering... frustrating and painful because we cling and crave.... if we relinquish that clinging and live a life of non-attachment/ right thinking/ mindfulness it will lead to the cessation of suffering. So once again, I let go. I trust that the Universe knows how my heart wants to give, and I keep taking the steps, one at a time to move into the life I envision. And I attempt (my inner voice comes in, speaking in Yoda tones: Do or do not...There is no try) ok, I Choose to focus on the good and beauty and love and support in which I live, I accept gracefully the fact that many things are out of my control. All I can do is Be who I want to be as life happens. I want to be positive, loving, strong, supportive, peaceful, fearless. May I learn from Paul who had peace of mind even in a Roman prison. I believe the TUT's slogan: Thoughts become things, choose the good ones. It is all there... all in our minds... and we get to choose.... though sometimes it seems "choosing the good ones" while imprisoned in my own wishes seems a daunting and overwhelming task. Moving into Thanksgiving week... my goal is to live it... Giving Thanks. Giving. Thanks. and letting go.......

An explanation

2008-11-18T15:34:00.000-05:00

"My advice to writers just starting out? Don't use semi-colons!
They are transvestite hermaphrodites, representing exactly
nothing. All they do is suggest you might have gone to college."
---- Kurt Vonnegut----

Courtesy of Scotty Richardson, dad to 4 of the *brightest*
goldens :)

Blog thoughts on blogging and life

2008-11-18T12:05:00.000-05:00

Received an email from my oldest (not chronologically--but jeeze, I've known this gal since puberty!) and funniest pals today letting me know she's been blogging for the past few months.... first announcement of that must have gotten eaten by the ones-and-zeros vacuum that obviously exists in a perpetually hungry state. So I read, and I chuckled, and remembered why I love her yet again. And it made me long for two more things that I love: oyster stew and writing.

For the past 2 years I have resisted blogging. A little over a year ago, the real estate world decided that blogging was THE way to get new business. For some reason that seemed a bit wrong to me... and I dug in my heels. If tons of Realtors were all of a sudden blogging, why would folks decide to read my ponderings? I barely have time to read all of the things I'd like to read each day, perhaps, thought I, that is true for others as well. And then there was the prospect of writing about only real estate... Don't get me wrong, I truly enjoy helping people buy and sell homes. However, I have so many different interests, that researching "items of interest and value" to people only along that one avenue induced the heaviest of sighs of boredom. Soooo, I just didn't.

As I've lived alone again these past 11 months I have written more, journaling again, emailing voraciously with wonderful friends and family. I love to read and write. And I've admitted to a few close friends -- and now potentially to the entire www-reading world -- that, along with a huge number of people it seems, "I'd like to write a book one day". Again and again I hear, "If you want to be a writer, you must write." One of those blatently obvious statements which when practiced, does it seems, work for a large number of authors.... have you been in a Barnes and Noble lately? I've decided to quit resisting, open the door, and not limit myself.

I began this blog in spring of 06 when I was living a completely different life. The lessons learned in these past 2 years have been many and varied and truly feel like a lifetime has been packed into them.

I no longer use semi-colons* see next post. (though I do like bullets--the non violent kind :))
I understand the divorce process in WA and know that a loving divorce can happen. Thank you Wayne.
Relationships still fascinate me, perhaps even more so as I discuss and discover their widths and depths with my partner.
I've learned that autosurfing really is gambling and I've never been very lucky in the casinos. Although I AM the luckiest woman on the planet.
Putting a dog to sleep that I loved for over 10 years broke my heart... again. Fly free dear Trusty-roo.
Meeting my One in a virtual blues club is perhaps unlikely, but possible... and in fact, magical.
Patience is a virtue.... and a challenge.
Renting temporarily is acceptable behavior.
Long distance relationships are a bear. Thank God for skype, video cams and airplanes.
Real estate is cyclical. Reminds me of our political world... wild far swings from Seller's to Buyer's markets. And the yuppie parents raise hippie children... Yesterday's quote from Sissy's Realtor friend, "If people would just stop reading and watching the news and pay attention to what's happening in Their world..."
Living with a 10.5 yr old golden retriever as a roommate is GReat company. Quiet, but mellow and goofy at times.
Doing massage again feels like climbing back on a beloved bicycle.
Speaking of bikes... I CAN complete a triathlon, and plan to again!
Fear spreads like a disease. Faith, while much more difficult to practice, lifts, bouys, parts, moves mountains and comforts.
Dancing with menopause, becoming a crone can be HOT! ;)
I have the most fabulous friends and family. Thanksgiving is coming, my favorite holiday, celebrating gratitude. Then I turn 50. And my love will be home for Christmas.
Life with all of it's highs and lows Is Good.

The bluest skies you've ever seen...

2006-04-05T11:29:00.000-04:00

Ah, the vast variety of life...

Reading a marvelous book - one of several, au usual - called Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott, which creates even more focus on the vast differences between each interaction I engage in throughout the day. Laughing with friends, being right at the top of the list of delights... Yesterday was a full one...

Support from my autosurf not-yet-met friends;

Connection with new local business people who sound very interested in the new Business Network International referral group Trevor and I are getting started;

Inspiration, learning and comfortable yacking from my favorite real estate broker and pal, Daryl;

Cooperation and appreciation from Rainier Escrow and Chuck as we move smoothly toward an early close on the sale of his home, and help from Wayne on his congratulations gift;

Frustration at being put in the position of having to be the "bad guy" in dealing with our non-paying tenant, and gratitude that our others are people of their word;

Joy that my sister and our husbands help bear the load of "land baron" so very well;

Relief in hearing of both Sue and George's Monday surguries having positive outcomes;

Pride in hearing the great strides forward that both Judie and Julie are taking in their lives... onwards and upwards dear sister and niece;

Hearing that Jen & Ron are home from AZ and Harris & Pam would like to list their beautiful Ashford lodge at the base of Mt Rainier April 15th or as soon as it's empty... tax day... Yippee!;

Yet more gratitude that the people I work with are some of the finest humans on earth.... How blessed I truly am to have found Keller Williams North Seattle office and Buffini and Company coaching - booked the San Diego retreat for next month - think I'll fly in early the day before and find something perfectly California to do;

And the best... a late evening with Wayne, Trusty, Porter, Sven and Sasha watching silly South Park episodes... Timmay!!!!! With the most astute observation of MTV ever written. Were you aware the creators of South Park went to Columbine High School? Yikes!

Off to catch a ferry on this gorgeous day from Kingston to Edmonds and on to the KWNS office for our Team Meeting. May it be a happy successful day for all of us!

Blessings,
Patrice

Tuesday April 4, 2006

2006-04-04T14:20:00.000-04:00

Another gorgeous beginning of Spring day here in the Pacific Northwestern US of A.

College sex-&-drugs-& rock'n'roll-buddy (from just a few years back) Monique and new friend Shawn have introduced me to blogspot, and it's time to give it a spin! Thank you my friends, for sharing your thoughts and wisdom and for showing me how to "publish" as well! :-) Looking forward to spending time writing....