Oct 16 - Photo a Day - Something I Wrote

Two Years of Notes and Assignments from the PW Program

A Scribe

You may have guessed that I have a weakness for writing. It doesn't yammer at me to get out, as I've heard some authors describe. Full-blown stories don't exist inside me, just waiting for the excess stone to be chipped away, revealing their legends, adventures, or allegories.

Instead, ideas take hold, and as my fingers rest on the keys, words begin to flow out -- jerkily, with many revisions and clarifications -- but I discover, just as you do, what is to be written that day.

I've only experienced writer's block once, with all of its black-holed dread. It lasted an unrelenting three weeks. Our college assignment was to create a children's story; it seemed so simple. But not being a mother, I had read a tiny handful of kids' books in the nearly fifty years prior, and it felt as though I was being asked to write a story in Swahili. "I can't" is rarely in my vocabulary, so in saying those words to my professor, I found tears in my eyes. Luckily, he has a kind and patient soul, and helped me set down my fear.

The following day a rhyming tale began, starring my dear old gold-dog, Porter, and his pug-buddy, Biggie. To my great surprise and delight, it and four others were chosen to be illustrated by the students in the graphics program. Those drawings, sadly, disappeared with the artist, but the block has not returned (touch wood), and I hope that the words continue rolling off of my fingertips, sharing my spirit with those who choose to read them.

Healthy Relationships

It has been many months since I have posted. Four of those months have been filled with the beginning of Ottawa's Algonquin College's two year Professional Writing program. I am now three weeks into the second semester. We have a course this semester in web writing, in which we each have picked a topic to blog on. It is a closed blog (our course and professors only), however, I am going to post my entries here also for my few readers to see. I may also post some of the fictional short stories I wrote (or will write) as well. I hope you enjoy, and would love to read your comments either here or in email.

Here then, is my first post on Healthy Relationships...

Are you in a relationship? When we hear this question, most of us assume (probably rightly) that it refers to whether or not we are in an intimate partnership. In Western culture, it seems, marriage or lifelong partnership is the ideal core relationship to which most adults aspire. I will be writing about intimate relationships throughout this blog, however to start, I would like to suggest that all of life takes place in relationship. We are interacting with people (and animals)--individually and in groups--nearly every day.

“Wherever You Go, There You Are” We have probably all heard this quote, which has been attributed to a variety of authors, from Thomas Kempis ca. AD 1400 to Buckaroo Banzai. The premise, of course, is that we bring ourselves into every relationship. Parents will tell you that every child is different, seemingly coming into the world with their own personality partially formed. On top of that, every relationship, especially in our formative childhood years helps to teach us a myriad of ways to be in the world.

We learn our own unique communication styles; how to handle and respond to our emotions and stressful situations; our sense of humor; what issues are appropriate to discuss, and with whom; whether to be a risk-taker, vulnerable, courageous, and what level to allow intimacy, and so much more. Additionally, we all get wounded, carry varying degrees of “baggage” or “issues” from those wounds, and run the gamut from denial to healing those pains from past relationships.

All of these lessons and more help form our perception of the world and how we fit within it. We each enter every relationship with the underlying belief that the world is generally benevolent/friendly or a dangerous place. Is your glass half-full or half-empty?

Your perceptions have profound effects on every friendship and intimate relationship you create, as well as how you behave in “unequal power” relationships, such as parent/child, teacher/student and boss/employee.

One of the first steps to consciously creating healthy relationships begins with self knowledge. One way of becoming more self-aware is by journaling about your values/the things that are most important to you, as well as situations that “trigger” you, or make you feel defensive. Understanding these issues help you make more clear choices about who you choose to allow into your life. Discovering these insights can also set you on your way to healing fears or patterns of reacting that keep you from experiencing freedom and joy in life.

A huge key to remember: The only person we can change is ourselves. If we all take 100% responsibility for the quality of our relationships, we can choose in each instance to improve, deepen, maintain, back away from, or release relationships appropriately.

Relationships will wax and wane. A very few will last a lifetime. Most will not. If we choose, we can glean gifts and life lessons from every relationship that nourish and propel us forward, so that each subsequent interaction benefits from the ones before.